Aku mula rasa sebak hendak meninggalkan tahun 2013.
On the last day of 2013, 31st December,.. I had high hopes to go out with my mother and sister.. Jalan-jalan~ shopping, tengok wayang.. Or maybe something my mother likes, for example, going to the park and read books, take pictures.
I had very high hopes for that.
Tapi apakan daya, homework geografi aku belum lagi disiapkan, mama pula tak sihat. Barang untuk ke sekolah pun belum pack sepenuhnya.
Ya Allah,.. Sedihnya aku.. Hanya Engkau yang memahami.
Hm,.. Mungkin tiada rezeki. Dia tidak mengizinkan. Takpelah :’)
Waktu dinner, mama looked at me and asked, “Ica lapar ke? Mama mintak maaf mama tak dapat masak untuk Ica. Mama penat sangat.”
And then she asked again, “Ica nak nasi ke?” She was coughing really bad. Tambah-tambah lagi mama demam dan sakit kepala sangat.
I only smiled and refused. Aku tak nak menyusahkan dia.
That night, it was ‘Ambang 2014’ showing on NTV7.
After watching pith Perfect on HBO, I thought I wanted to celebrate New Year with mama. Perhaps give her a hug and i want to apologize for my wrong doings.
Tapi mama nak naik atas dan baca buku, as always.
Yaya was the only one who was watching the tv while I was finishing my homework.
Setelah tepat pukul 12.00 malam, Yaya screamed happily, welcoming 2014. I was happy but my feelings are more to sadness that night.
Because I was unhappy time flew so fast this holiday. Because I think I should’ve done my homework earlier so that I could spend more time with my family. Because I was sad mama refused to go to the doctor or refused to eat most of the time during the holiday and I didn’t push her enough to do so.
I was feeling sad, worried.. Huh. Overall, it was just a mix of letdowns.
The second Yaya started going upstairs, I cried. So much.
I hugged Chuka, my teddy bear mama gave me on my 13th birthday. I hugged the bubble-headed bear so tight.
My eyes started to go red dan membengkak.
Ya ‘Alim, sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui. Beratnya ujian Engkau, Ya Allah.
Even when I’m writing this post, I’m crying my eyes out.Hm.
Ya Allah, kau sembuhkanlah ibuku,Ya Allah!
Mama, take care of your health, okay? :’) Get well soon… I’m sorry we couldn’t go out together on my last day in Kajang. Mama jangan amik hati pulak, it’s not your fault you’re sick. Allah uji mama. It’s alright~ Stay strong! Next time, promise me we’ll go out toghether and I could eat masakan mama~!
Bye mama and Yaya! I love you!!!! Have a happy 2014~
Ica betul betul risaukan mama. Take care.
Hugs and kisses from your 2nd daughter! (Don’t worry, this time, ica tak amik dari internet punya~) ^o^