I tried. I pushed you away from my mind. I distracted myself in any possible way I could find.
Lepas baca buku #HENSHIN tu, I got myself thinking, “Nisha, jadikan Rasulullah S.A.W. as your true love, your idol, your crush.”
So I did try.
But then, iman manusia naik turun. Astaghfirullahalazim. Pendirian diri tak tetap.
It was easy at first.
But, whenever I see you,.. Every time you passed by my two eyes, the memories came.
Tak tipu ni. Bukan nak dramatic ke apa tapi ni betul.
It’s true. I tried tapi bila I see you around, it hurt.
Allah je tahu.
“I don’t want u to be sad. So we both hv to forget for the greater good.”
“I tried to forget. I can’t.“
“Insyallah next year i think u can.”
Agreed. It will be a lot easier next year.
You won’t be around. I’ll be facing the exams.
To force myself to forget, I thought I could do it.
But I stand corrected.
The more I pushed myself to forget you, the more I get reminded of you.
The more I try to deny that I still care, the more it seems that I’m just lying to myself.
I can lie to anyone.
But of course, no,
not to myself.
To really ‘forget’ is actually, throwing all the memories far far away.
If I forced myself to truly forget, I’d already throw away the letters, the pictures, the videos. The book I wrote, the Thailand souvenirs, the WhatsApp conversations. I’d delete your number by now.
But I couldn’t.
So I’ll let go.
Letting go, is however, far away different than forgetting.
Letting go, is letting Allah take care of this.
I wonder about you, worry about you, of course.
Why be harsh to my own heart? Why worry about things that are out of my control?
I leave you in Allah’s hands. He will take care of you the best. 🙂
I’ll let go and focus on SPM.
I’ll let go, and I’ll now be stronger, I’ll try to make our prophet PBUH my crush, InShaaAllah my true love, just as how I should.
I’m really impressed you stopped our conversation right there. 👍
“Are you gonna throw them away then?”
I sort of realized where that was going. I was listening to my nafs. Thank you for stopping me.
I respect you for that.
And also, I’m ashamed of myself. Minta maaf.
Don’t forget me.
In fact, remember me for centuries. 😁
No lah, I’m just afraid you’ll completely forget me.
I’m afraid of that.
It scares me to think of it. Keep me in your prayers.
Jangan lupa nisha.
Just, let go.
Don’t forget. But let go.
Semoga menjadi jutawan pada umur 20 tahun. Amin. (Guess where I got that from )
I also wish you success in life and the Hereafter. Amin.
I don’t know if you’re reading.
“Sampaikanlah salam rinduku terhadap ___ sehingga aku menjadi kerinduannya, Ya Allah.” – doa Nabi Yusuf kepada Zulaikha
Kawal rindu dengan doa.
Kawal cemburu dengan bersangka baik.
Kawal kemarahan dengan berwuduk.
Kawal nafsu dengan iman.