I just realised betapa besar ujian Allah letakkan pada dua bahu ni untuk aku pikul.

I’m out of school. I lost my friends.

Allah tarik kawan kawan aku jauh dari aku. Jauh, kebanyakannya.

That never used to be a problem to me, I never thought of it as a test from Allah.

Until I wrote the entry for Maisarah, and I cried. I still am, realising how big this test is.

I’m left by myself, with freedom, dunya, lust and overflowing entertainment, non-stop.

When I’ve spent the last five years surrounding myself with these precious people I’ve come to grow fond of.

People that I’ve come to love, not as friends, but as family.

The greatest lost I felt after almost two months being apart from them is that,

Everyday, at least one of them reminds me of Allah, effortlessly.

Sometimes just by looking at them, I’m reminded of Allah. I miss that reminder.

Having to be with them, look at their faces every morning when I wake up, every night when I settle for bed, having to see what they do, how they behave, the way they talk with me, their patience with me. The way I get comfortable enough to be myself with them, and the way they pull me closer to Allah just by being themselves.

Dan harini baru aku sedar, betapa Allah dah tarik sebahagian besar nikmat berkawan dengan mereka ni, like I’ve lost pearls and diamonds to keep me on the right track.

I miss ALL OF YOU. You know who you are.


Ya Allah, Kau tumpahkan ujian ini tanpa aku sedari, dan kerana baru saat ini aku kesedihan terbangun dari mimpi buruk yang menjurus kepada nafsu.

Thank You, for letting these wonderful people become the characters I’ve come to know, I’ve come to love in my life.

Keep us strong, oh Allah.

Even when we’re apart, far apart, keep us strong to go through this dunya by ourselves, Ya Allah.



I’m glad. I’m beyond glad that I’ve met all of you.

Even when writing until the end, still, I’m in tears.



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